So remember two post ago I asked you to do something crazy and I said I was. Guess what! I did. I talked to my crush for over an hour! 🙂 Anyway, it led me to this next post. Most of the posts so far have all been about you, which is great, because hopefully it has helped you realise that when you feel as dark inside as your world outside, maybe even more so, you realise, there’s still flickers of light in you that haven’t gone out, or maybe you have new ones burning. But this time, I want you to focus on someone other than yourself. I want you to make someone else feel better with your words. Maybe you ain’t much of a talker like me, then message them. Say a compliment, maybe tell them something you appreciate about them, maybe tell them you think they’re cool or something. But I don’t want you to choose someone you’d normally say it to. I want you to pick someone you’ve admired but maybe haven’t really told them you do. You may think my idea is stupid. But you know what? You might just make their day. And if you’re wondering what about me? What about all the stuff I’m feeling and going through? This will improve your happiness. Trust me. When you make others feel good, it makes you feel really good. There’s something magical about letting someone know there’s someone out there who admires them. And you know what, you can be in charge of passing out that magic. I think one of the reasons the world is so dark is because there’s not enough people building each other up and not enough people realising how loved they are, because not enough people are telling them. So tell people. Sprinkle love around like fairy dust, because it’s the thing that makes life magical!
Last year I made (can’t say wrote since it has no lyrics) a song called “Buried Deep” after someone close to me attempted to overdose. And do you know what the horrible part of it was. I never knew. I never knew it had crossed their mind. I never knew they had feelings buried so deep, festering overtime till it came out in an attempted act. That itself, was the most hurtful part of it all. The fact that I loved them so hard and yet I never knew. And this is why, my dear friends, I’m asking you to tell someone close to you how you feel. Don’t keep things buried deep, festering, without anyone to vent it out to. Please tell someone, before they’re left as broken as I was that day. I know you don’t want to tell people how you feel. I know you’re scared of how they’ll react. But you know what? You’ll be hurting them more in the long run if you don’t tell them. So do. Please do tell someone. I beg you. I don’t want others to experience what I went through. Please.
So you’re considering suicide, and that’s a big thing to be considering. But there’s something I’d beg you to do before it’s too late. Do something absolutely crazy. Something that absolutely terrifies you, but you know you’d love to do. If you decide after all to end your life, when you think really hard, will you find nothing but blank pages staring back at you of things you could’ve done, things you have yet to do. So do something crazy before its too late. Colour in those blank pages. Like one of my favourite quotes says “one day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” Maybe you’ve always wanted to go on a roller coaster but haven’t because it seems scary, go do that. Do some thing that’s might have others saying “I didn’t think I’d ever see the day I’d see you do something like that.” Maybe you’ve always wanted to go overseas, go do that, or if you have no money, open up google maps and street view Paris, and pretend you’re on holiday, or just book a night in your local motel and act like a tourist. Do something crazy. Something that is not normal for you, but something that you’ve always wanted to do. And you know what? I’m going to join you on your crazy quest. I have always been terrified of boys. No jokes. In fact I had one tell me once, “I don’t bite.” Obviously, they don’t, but I’ve always been somewhat afraid of them anyway (hence my 20 year single status). Now, there’s this boy I like and well, I’ve decided to do something crazy seeing as Valentine’s Day is coming up. I’m actually for the first time ever going to message a guy I like and see what happens. So since I’m doing something crazy, so can you. Do some thing crazy before you even think about ending the life you have. There’s still so much living to be done, so do it before the last of the life you have leaks out of you.
I’ve always felt as though other people saw monsters in me and that must be why everyone disliked me. But I was wrong. There are people out there who like who I am. There are people out there who want to be my friend genuinely, not because they pity me, being the girl who got picked on for no reason. People didn’t always see me as this walking failure like I thought they did. No. They actually care. And there’s people in your life who genuinely care too. Go ahead. Scoff. A few years back I would’ve too. In fact the feeling of knowing that nobody really cared about me at all, that they were just pretending, because as friends and family you’re supposed to act like you care, the fact that I was a failure, that people seemed to see this monster inside me was my breaking point. But my breaking point was based on lies. I have heard so many sob stories from family and friends of people who commit suicide. Watch or read one. You think nobody cares? Tell that to the people bawling their eyes out, their heart in so much pain, knowing the person they care about ended their life. There will be people in your life too who would feel the same. In fact there probably someone you feel that way about. Imagine your sister or your best friend or your grandma committing suicide because they thought nobody cared. But you do. And so do they. We are all human which means the way we feel about others is the way people feel about us. If you care about someone, somebody cares about you. We’re all wired with the same feelings, you’re not the only one who feels the way you do. There is someone who really, honestly cares. You know it. I know it. If you’re still unsure, grab a notebook and write down every time someone compliments you. You look nice today. You’re good at drawing. Anything somebody says that’s a compliment. Then after a few days flick through your notebook and read each one out. Bob said my hair was nice. My sister told me she loved my cookies. As you read them out, you are reminding yourself of the truth, that there are people who care. So often we focus on the negative things people tell us and that just feeds the lies growing in our heads. But we should be feeding ourselves with positivity. So reminding yourself of the people in your life that do care? That’s a great feeling.
Before I start this post I want to apologise if you think my first post was a bit too cheerful. But I know what it’s like being in such a dark place on the brink of life or death, and I believe the only thing that keeps you going is something that makes you smile, or if you’re not the smiling type, something that at least brings a little light to your darkness, so that’s what I aim to do with this blog. So I may be cheerful, not to offend, but to brighten your worlds, even if it’s only a light as small as one birthday candle. So this post is going to be about thankfulness. You may not think you have anything to be thankful for because life sucks. But you do. We all do. It could be a great sister, a good friend, people if you have them. It could be the stars in the sky you’re thankful for, because they’re just so beautiful. It could be pizza or chocolate cake. It could be music. It could be something you’re passionate about like playing soccer (that’s not something I can do, so if you can, be thankful, not everyone has been blessed with athletic abilities. Same goes for other talents). Whatever it is, there is something I know you’re thankful for. So what I want you to do is think of one thing you’re thankful for and write it down. That’s it. Just write it down and think about how you’re thankful for it. So often when we’re in a dark place we forget the things we have to be thankful for, and focus instead of all the things that darken our world. I know when I was considering suicide, I focused on nothing but my pain and my problems for so long and forgot about everything else. But we shouldn’t forget about everything else. By being thankful you’re getting to see bits of light in the dark. And that’s always a good thing. So be thankful about something today.
You are amazing. You are good looking. You are not a failure. You are valuable. Tell yourself positive things. I struggled with the monsters inside my head that always brought me down. I struggled with other people telling me things that I never should’ve believed like you’re never going to get anyone. Who would want to date someone like you? Negative thoughts kept pressing down my brain, leaving me feeling like an absolute wreck. And I was. And you may be too. And wishing you could just escape from all of the negativity. But the key to overcoming negativity is with positivity. So tell yourself positive things. I know, I can already hear you saying but I’m not amazing, I’m not good looking, I’m not this, I’m not that. You know what that is? That’s your thoughts feeding you lies, even if you didn’t think they are. I truly did believe I was failure for a few years before I realised that it’s not true at all. So tell yourself that your negative thoughts aren’t true and switch them around to make them positive. Keep feeding yourself with positive thoughts. Say aloud to yourself I am amazing, I am valuable, throughout the next few days and then you’ll find yourself believing and feeling like you are. I know it sounds super cheesy, and you might be thinking I’m not going to do something as cheesy as that. But give it a try. You’ll be surprised by the results.