I’ve always felt as though other people saw monsters in me and that must be why everyone disliked me. But I was wrong. There are people out there who like who I am. There are people out there who want to be my friend genuinely, not because they pity me, being the girl who got picked on for no reason. People didn’t always see me as this walking failure like I thought they did. No. They actually care. And there’s people in your life who genuinely care too. Go ahead. Scoff. A few years back I would’ve too. In fact the feeling of knowing that nobody really cared about me at all, that they were just pretending, because as friends and family you’re supposed to act like you care, the fact that I was a failure, that people seemed to see this monster inside me was my breaking point. But my breaking point was based on lies. I have heard so many sob stories from family and friends of people who commit suicide. Watch or read one. You think nobody cares? Tell that to the people bawling their eyes out, their heart in so much pain, knowing the person they care about ended their life. There will be people in your life too who would feel the same. In fact there probably someone you feel that way about. Imagine your sister or your best friend or your grandma committing suicide because they thought nobody cared. But you do. And so do they. We are all human which means the way we feel about others is the way people feel about us. If you care about someone, somebody cares about you. We’re all wired with the same feelings, you’re not the only one who feels the way you do. There is someone who really, honestly cares. You know it. I know it. If you’re still unsure, grab a notebook and write down every time someone compliments you. You look nice today. You’re good at drawing. Anything somebody says that’s a compliment. Then after a few days flick through your notebook and read each one out. Bob said my hair was nice. My sister told me she loved my cookies. As you read them out, you are reminding yourself of the truth, that there are people who care. So often we focus on the negative things people tell us and that just feeds the lies growing in our heads. But we should be feeding ourselves with positivity. So reminding yourself of the people in your life that do care? That’s a great feeling.
Before I start this post I want to apologise if you think my first post was a bit too cheerful. But I know what it’s like being in such a dark place on the brink of life or death, and I believe the only thing that keeps you going is something that makes you smile, or if you’re not the smiling type, something that at least brings a little light to your darkness, so that’s what I aim to do with this blog. So I may be cheerful, not to offend, but to brighten your worlds, even if it’s only a light as small as one birthday candle. So this post is going to be about thankfulness. You may not think you have anything to be thankful for because life sucks. But you do. We all do. It could be a great sister, a good friend, people if you have them. It could be the stars in the sky you’re thankful for, because they’re just so beautiful. It could be pizza or chocolate cake. It could be music. It could be something you’re passionate about like playing soccer (that’s not something I can do, so if you can, be thankful, not everyone has been blessed with athletic abilities. Same goes for other talents). Whatever it is, there is something I know you’re thankful for. So what I want you to do is think of one thing you’re thankful for and write it down. That’s it. Just write it down and think about how you’re thankful for it. So often when we’re in a dark place we forget the things we have to be thankful for, and focus instead of all the things that darken our world. I know when I was considering suicide, I focused on nothing but my pain and my problems for so long and forgot about everything else. But we shouldn’t forget about everything else. By being thankful you’re getting to see bits of light in the dark. And that’s always a good thing. So be thankful about something today.
You are amazing. You are good looking. You are not a failure. You are valuable. Tell yourself positive things. I struggled with the monsters inside my head that always brought me down. I struggled with other people telling me things that I never should’ve believed like you’re never going to get anyone. Who would want to date someone like you? Negative thoughts kept pressing down my brain, leaving me feeling like an absolute wreck. And I was. And you may be too. And wishing you could just escape from all of the negativity. But the key to overcoming negativity is with positivity. So tell yourself positive things. I know, I can already hear you saying but I’m not amazing, I’m not good looking, I’m not this, I’m not that. You know what that is? That’s your thoughts feeding you lies, even if you didn’t think they are. I truly did believe I was failure for a few years before I realised that it’s not true at all. So tell yourself that your negative thoughts aren’t true and switch them around to make them positive. Keep feeding yourself with positive thoughts. Say aloud to yourself I am amazing, I am valuable, throughout the next few days and then you’ll find yourself believing and feeling like you are. I know it sounds super cheesy, and you might be thinking I’m not going to do something as cheesy as that. But give it a try. You’ll be surprised by the results.